The Biggest Lie Women Tell Themselves

Earlier this week I ran into this lie again, one that too many women have fallen for. I had a conversation with a young lady who had gone through a difficult marriage and a terrible divorce. As she was recounting her actions and discussing where she went wrong, I heard the lie come out.

Here’s the biggest lie that women tell themselves when it comes to relationships: “I’ll fix him.” She said she knew that he wasn’t that good of a guy when she married him, but she figured she could fix him once they got married. My response (in a gentle yet mocking manner) was, “So, how’d that work out for you?” She laughed as she saw the fallacy of the lie that propelled her into a doomed marriage.

Marriage does change you, and spouses can and should have a strong influence on their mates, but this idea that a mature woman can quickly and single handedly ‘fix’ a immature man is ludicrous. Like it or not, men are who they are. Some are so stubborn, so set in their ways, that only God can change their hearts.

Ladies, a word of warning: If you’re dating someone that you’re thinking about marrying, and if he’s got more flaws than not, don’t delude yourself into thinking that you’ll be able to ‘fix him’ once he walks down the aisle. You’re stuck with what you’ve got. Better to know that on the front end.

Be careful who you marry. If they still act like they’re in high school, throw them back and let them grow up a little bit. God-fearing, wife-honoring men are hard to come by, but they’re worth the wait.

QUESTION: Is there a bigger lie that women tell themselves when it comes to relationships?

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To All the Single Ladies Out There

Being a youth pastor for ten years, I’ve got a lot of “daughters” that I view as practically my own. Some are married but many are still single. As a protective dad, here are seven things I wish I could say to all of them (inspired by Perry Noble and his blogs on the same subject):

1. You’re a princess. I don’t mean this in the spoiled-rotten, get-whatever-I-want sense, but in the sense that God sent Jesus to die for you. As a follower of Christ, you’re now a daughter of the King. You’re a princess. If you ever doubt you’re self-worth, remember that the King of Kings died for you. That makes you awesome.

2. Since you’re a princess, wait for a prince. Set your standards high ladies. If almost anyone meets your requirements for a boyfriend, then your standards are too low. Remember, you’re worth the wait. Don’t give yourself away until your prince comes.

3. If a guy asks you to compromise your purity, he’s not a prince. He’s a pig. Your prince will honor you and respect you as a daughter of the King. If anyone ever pressures you to give up your purity for a relationship, then he doesn’t respect you. He just wants your body. He’ll use you and discard you. Don’t be fooled!

4. Just because you screwed up doesn’t make you a screw up. Some of you are reading this and you’ve already messed up sexually. That doesn’t mean that you’re unworthy or no longer valuable. It just means you made a mistake. God still loves you and is pursuing you with a relentless love and overwhelming grace.

5. “I’m lonely” or “I’m getting older” are never good excuses to settle for the next guy that comes along. Wait for God’s timing. It will always be longer than you want, but it will always be worth it. Trust me.

6. If you’re not happy single, you’ll never be happy married. Find your contentment in Christ. As awesome as your husband will one day be, he’ll never satisfy you as Christ will. If you find your contentment in Christ now, then you’ll be content in your marriage. But if you look for your husband to provide the happiness that only Christ can provide, then you’ll be sorely disappointed.

7. Purity starts now. Wherever you are in your purity journey, make this the day that you renew your purity to God. If you’re in a sexual relationship, get out of it. It’s not God’s best for you. Renew your purity to God and watch Him do amazing things in you.

Praying for all of you!

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Five for (Friday)

Five for Friday on a Thursday? Why not? Actually, there’s a good reason why I’m sending out my links today. Friday I have the privilege of guest posting on Stuff Christians Like (ranked #11 on Church Relevance’s Top 200 Christian blogs). So, I’ll post something of a welcome/splash page for folks checking out for the first time. Today, here are some great articles to consider:

How To Let a Dream Die – Perry Noble shares some great insight on how to settle for average in your life.

The 3 Components of Job Satisfaction – What does it look like to have a job that fulfills you?

Marriage With a Chronically Self-Centered Spouse – Incredible series from a Christian counselor. If this applies to you, read it!

Christianity Isn’t Dying, Cultural Christianity Is – Great research and insight into the ever changing demographics of “Christian” America.

The Three Deadliest Words in the World: “It’s a Girl” – My heart breaks for this reality. Shining the light on this deplorable practice.